Rant One – A Star Wars…something

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   
 “Who ordered that”, I ask myself after watching Lucasfilms latest Star Wars offering, Rogue One. I mean Rant One – A Star Wars…somethingwe do have a definitive pronunciation of “Whills” now (nothing on AT-AT though) but was that worth a whole movie?  I just wonder if there were any people coming out of the cinemas in 77 saying, “you know what I would really like to see now, a movie about those rebel spies – the ones that stole the plans to the Death Star during the Rebels’ first victory over the evil galactic empire.” … Victor? Victory did you say? Ok, lets see; the Rebels lost one capital warship, several support vessels, a few landing craft (with troops) and a full squadron of X-wings, against the Empire’s loss of two capital warships and a somewhat significant base on the planet – I guess that counts as a “victory”, but given the relative resources of each side, a few more Rebel “victories” like that one and the Imperials wont need the Death Star.  
The story of Galen Erso and his daughter, and how he intentionally designed the weakness the Rebels eventually end up exploiting, into the Death Star was ok. But it was more or less relegated to the background, while the fan-boy fest-o-gasm waltzed across the screen like a special addition dinosaur. Could someone please tell me what Bevis and Butthead were doing in this movie? They totally strike me as the kind of devout Force followers who would be on Jeda in the first place. Not to mention, if I had the death sentence on twelve systems I would of course hang out in a city under imperial occupation – full of check points, curfews and lockdowns - I mean where else would I go? Then there is R2 and 3PO just hanging out at the Yaven base for no apparent reason except to disrupted the continuity between Ep. III (where the last line of dialog was spoken by C-3PO on the Titan V) and Ep. IV (where the first line of dialog is spoken by C3PO on the Titan V). But we don’t actually get to see all of them, they were cut off at the knees for some reason…rather like IG8 not being able to complete the traditional “I have a bad feeling about this” line, and none of the familiar motifs in the score being completed. Perhaps they thought it would make the movie too “Star Warsy”., since it is not an episode after all. Fair enough, but then why put it in there at all? Why go half way? Prior to the movie’s release, there was a bit of consternation among some fans about the news that the movie would not have an opening scroll. But surely all can agree that that is better than having a scroll that ended mid sentence half way through the second paragraph? And just in case we needed one last reminder that it was not a Star Wars movie, human dialog ten seconds from the closing credits (personally, I do not think we needed that).
Oh, and there is also Darth Vader’s castle, built on top of a giant volcano (which I would think would be the last place Darth Vader would want to build his castle),  I am sure it will be significant in some future movie, but served no real purpose in this one. Darth Vader himself was rather shoehorned in to this movie, as its main focuses are power politics and constructing a technological terror – neither of which are Vader’s forte – they are much more Pallpatien’s gig (and last I checked Ian McDermott is still alive and well) but I guess Sheave is not as powerful when it comes to selling T-shirts and coffee mugs so Jones got the call. And what was the point of that ridiculous chase scene at the end?  I mean besides giving the fanboys their lightsaber/telekinesis fix. Was there really any reason for Vader to go lone wolf?  This was not a confrontation with his old master or checking out some potential new Jedi threat. These were just some rebel soldiers; why not let a squad or two of stormtroopers handle them? And if he is going use telekinesis to toss guys around the cabin and pull weapons out of their hands, why does he not just pull the guy holding the Death Star plans over to him? I guess because then David Powers would be retroactively out of a job.  
And, of course, there is CGI Tarken. Now, it does make sense for Tarken to be in this movie, however, he was not really necessary, and it is a bit ironic that as TFA made an overt effort to return to the practical effects of the old days, its successor is now using CGI to portray the most fundamental element in storytelling since humans have been telling stories, namely the human person. Though it has been a quarter century since scientists developed the technology to bring dinosaurs extinct for millennia back to life on the big screen, and that technology is now being used on humans, Dr. Cramner’s observation is more relevant than ever - “they were so obsessed with whether they could, they forgot to ask whether they should”. The answer to the last question is now clearly a resounding No.
May Carrie Fisher rest in peace, Not in pixels.      
                                                                                                                                                                                     aJ,